Can't Let You Go
by Cae Thomas aka CNL
Summary: Two sides of a break-up.
1. Sorrow

_Guess it was not meant to be  
><em>_It's not as bad as it seems  
><em>_It only burns when I breathe_

Harry pulled the covers up over his head, wanting to block out the fact that the sun had risen and it was now Monday morning. Meaning that he would have to go to classes. That he would have to see _him_. Harry didn't think he could bear that.

_Forever, Draco. That's what we always said. We'd love each other forever. Because we're soul mates. But I guess it wasn't meant to be._

Ron forces him out of bed and Harry drags himself off to the shower, hoping the hot water will wash away the pain.

_It's not so bad. It only hurts when I breathe. Know why, Draco? Because you were my oxygen._

_You saw the way that I fell  
><em>_But I'm better off by myself  
><em>_That's the tale I like to tell_

Breakfast isn't as difficult to handle as he expected. He sits with his back to the Slytherin table, giving him no reason to seek the blonde out. He eats his toast and bacon in silence, drinks his pumpkin juice and finishes everything on his plate so that Hermione can't say he's not eating. The food sits heavy in his stomach, not settling well. Harry knows he'll throw it back up later, but for now he'll hold it down so that his friends won't worry. So that he can avoid an interrogation. Because he doesn't think he can talk about it just now.

_It's better off this way, Harry. You're better off this way. Alone. You don't need him. You're so much stronger. You can take care of yourself. You don't need anyone._

He'll repeat those words to anyone, should they ask. He's better off by himself. He doesn't need anyone to take care of him. He knows they'll believe him if he says it. And he only wishes he could believe it himself.

_But it's not that easy for me  
><em>_To say goodbye  
><em>_Everything in me wants you  
><em>_Back in my life_

Defense is harder. Draco's just two tables in front of him and Harry's eyes are fixed on the back of his head, gazing at the soft blonde hair and replaying the now painful memory of how it felt to run his fingers through that hair while they kissed. How it felt to tug at it when Draco fucked him.

Draco's sitting there and acting like nothing in the world is wrong, like he didn't just break up with his boyfriend of fifteen months. And that shatters Harry even more to see him so unaffected.

_I wish I could be like that. I wish I could be numb. It's not that easy for me to say goodbye, so why was it so easy for you, Draco?_

Ron asks Harry if he's feeling alright and Harry shrugs in response. He wants to leave. He wants to go back to his bed and sleep. He wants to cry because despite the fact that he's seventeen and that he defeated Voldemort, he still has the need to cry. Because this boy broke him into so many pieces that he knows he'll never be able to fully put himself back together. And it's all made worse by the fact that every ounce of him would kill to have Draco Malfoy back in his life.

_Can't let you go_


	2. Regret

_It feels like the dawn of the dead  
><em>_Like bombs going off in my head  
><em>_Never a moment of rest_

It's Monday morning and Draco doesn't want to get up, doesn't want to go to class. Because going to class means having to see _him_ and being constantly reminded of how big of a _mistake_ it was to give him up. Draco forces himself out of bed, wincing as his head pounds furiously. He shuffles his way to the shower, hoping the steam will make his head feel less like it's going to explode.

The water pours over him and he's immediately reminded of the showers he and Harry shared together in the Prefect's bathroom.

_There's no escape. Memories of you are everywhere, Harry. Even now, you never give me a moment of peace._

_Nothing kills more than to know  
><em>_That this is the end of the road  
><em>_And I know I gotta let go_

Breakfast is a disappointment. Draco keeps hoping that Harry will look at him. That their eyes will meet and everything will be forgiven, erased. That they'll be back to what they were just days before. But Harry doesn't look at him. He sits with his back to the table and Draco feels more hurt than he can remember feeling for a very long time.

_It's over. You don't want me anymore. I made a mistake but you don't care. You're done with me. And I have to learn how to let go. Do you have any idea how hard that is, Harry?_

Blaise asks him if he's alright and Draco says that he is. He makes an excuse about having a headache and leaves early just so he doesn't have to deal with torture of staring at the back of Harry's head and knowing that the Gryffindor isn't going to turn around and flash him that dazzling smile that had made Draco fall for him in the first place.

_It's not that easy for me  
><em>_To say goodbye  
><em>_Everything in me wants you  
><em>_Back in my life_

In Defense he sits at the front of the class, just so he doesn't have to worry about Harry sitting in front of him. He wants to turn around and see if the Gryffindor is looking at him, wants to know if those beautiful emerald eyes are fixed on him. But a voice in his mind tells him he'll only be disappointed if he does.

_He's done with you, Draco. You ruined everything, you stupid fucking git. And now you have to pay the price._

But Draco would pay anything to have Harry back.

_Anything._

_Can't let you go_


	3. Alone

_Wish I could just find a way  
><em>_To have all your memories erased  
><em>_Cause constantly they're haunting me_

Sometimes Harry just wishes he could forget the last fifteen months. Wishes he could erase all the memories of Draco Malfoy from his mind. Then maybe the love would go away, too, and he wouldn't be haunted by the memories of all the caresses and all the kisses that he'll never experience again.

_Because you don't want me anymore, Draco. And I'm alone._

_But it's not that easy for me  
><em>_To say goodbye  
><em>_Everything in me wants you  
><em>_Back in my life_

He's thought about obliviating himself. Thought about erasing everything that had to do with Harry from his mind. But self-obliviation is complex and beyond even his skill. He thinks about asking Blaise to do it for him, but that would mean explaining. That would mean telling him about all the nights he snuck out after curfew to meet Harry in secret. And Draco can't bear to talk about it. Because talking brings it all back. And the wound is still too fresh.

_You fucked up, Draco, and you've no one to blame but yourself. Now he's over you. He doesn't want you. And you're alone._

_Can't let you go_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>

This was inspired by Adam Lambert's "Can't Let You Go". If you haven't heard it, I highly suggest you look it up. It will change you life. Okay, maybe not, but it's still a brilliant song. I've been trying to get back into writing and this baby just wouldn't get out of my head, so I decided to sit down and write it out at about three in the morning. Yay for candles, incense, Adam Lambert, and not being able to sleep. Has anyone noticed how often this combination results in a new story? And they're always depressing, aren't they? *sigh* I'm beginning to sense a pattern here...

In other news, since I'm having so much trouble coming up with ideas on what to write, I'm going to open it up to my readers. Any Drarry stories you'd like to see written out? Ideas are accepted both through reviews *hint hint wink wink* or through private messages. Thanks everyone!

~C. Luvitz


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